Well today's post is going to be interesting.....
So I was on my buffalomommies sight tonight just "flipping" through the pages and came across a post about a mom who had a vaginal birth with her first baby but because she is having Fibroid surgery this month will have to have C sections for any following children. She stated that she felt like her body was broken and that she felt like less of a women. I felt that I had to reply because I have sooo been there.
I responded with something like this:
Okay so my opinion is this.... After having a CS with my first baby I felt that my body was broken and that my body failed me. After my second baby a failed VBAC and tons of pain from head to toe I really felt a lot of guilt and dispare and a huge struggle with ppd because of the fact that I couldn't have the birth I wanted. After working at a hospital in Buffalo as a newborn photographer I was CURED. While at work one day I did pictures of an angel baby. It was the first time that I was going to do this. I entered the room to find mom, dad and the brother holding the baby and in tears. I struggled to hold my composure during the photos. At one point during the photo session I "forgot" that the baby was an angel baby and picked her up. I will never forget that feeling. I will not share the details of that feeling out of respect for readers that have had angel babies. After the photo session I was CURED!!! I decided that at the end of the day it doesn't matter how a baby is born as long as it comes out healthy and breathing. It takes a lot for me to say that because I used to get so angry and upset when people would say it to me. I was cured of any self doubt or self judgement or misjudgment of what birth "should" be. I can remember actually saying to my DH to sign me up for a cs because I wanted healthy breathing babies. I am especially thankful that a cs is possible as my daughter was born at 27 weeks and spent 62 days in the hospital. Even if I had a VBAC the second time around I still would have had a cs the 3rd time because I was very very sick. I had a classical cs and was advised not to have any more babies because I was so sick. I am just thankful that I have 3 HEALTHY strong babies to love on and snuggle. I love watching them grow and learn. I wouldn't change it a bit and would do it all over again to have the beautiful babies I have. Try to look at the bright side of the situation you had a vaginal birth so you know what that's like. Those darn fibroids will be gone and you can STILL have BABIES!!. And look at it this way... you get a little siesta in the hospital after the baby because it is a longer stay.
I really feel that god has a plan for us and he/she knows what he/she wants or has in store for us. I feel that Pixie was supposed to be born at 27 weeks to make me a stronger person and a better mother. After I had her while I was still in the hospital I did the why me what did I do wrong thing. Then about 3 weeks in a baby was born at 25 weeks on the sidewalk of the hospital and was very very sick. I then said to myself.. "She was born in a controlled situation and got the steroids for her lungs and she is FINE other than needing to be in the hospital. Pixie is my miracle child and I love her so much she was given to me early so that I could stop for a moment and see the important things in life. One of those things or pieces of advice comes from my cousin... "your children don't care where they live as long as they live with you" That piece of advice has made me a stronger person.
So today I am thankful for MEDICAL ADVANCEMENT and My Dr, Dr. Susan Erk and her husband who did an awesome job at making one of the scariest moments in our life a little easier!!
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